Navigating In-Law Relationships with Biblical Wisdom

Few topics in marriage generate as much tension as relationships with in-laws. For many, these dynamics are a source of stress, frustration, and, at times, outright conflict. But God’s Word does not leave us without direction. Scripture gives us clear principles to guide us in navigating these relationships with wisdom and grace.

One of the greatest sources of tension in in-law relationships is unsolicited advice. Whether it’s about how to load the dishwasher, mow the lawn, or passive aggressive remarks about career choices, in-laws often mean well but may not always express themselves in ways that feel supportive. These comments, though seemingly small, can create tension and problems in a marriage if boundaries are not established.

We see a stellar biblical example of giving and navigating in-law advice in Exodus 18. When Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, visited him in the wilderness, he set a boundary by bringing Moses’ wife and children back to him (though we don’t know why they were separated, Jethro made it clear that their care was Moses’ responsibility- not his.

Jethro listened to Moses share about all the ways God had used him to lead his people out of slavery, and Jethro rejoiced and celebrated with his son-in-law! Today, we would say that every man needs a few other men in their corner with whom they can “spike the ball.” Men who rejoice with you when life is good and victories abound!

Undoubtedly, this acceptance and encouragement gave Jethro a trusted seat in Moses’ corner. When Jethro observed Moses doing his job in a way that was exhausting and unsustainable, his advice was welcomed by Moses. Moses believed that Jethro had his best interest at heart.

The final boundary Jethro respected, is walking away after the advice was given. Jethro went back home, and Moses had to choose how to live his own life.

Like Jethro and Moses, in-laws must be wise in how they offer advice, and married couples must be discerning in how they receive it.

Ruth 1:16-17 is often read at weddings, but in its original context, it was a declaration from a daughter-in-law to her mother-in-law. Ruth’s commitment to Naomi was not based on Naomi’s attitude—because, frankly, Naomi was bitter. Yet Ruth displayed unconditional love and grace, which are essential for healthy in-law relationships.

Everyone enters into marriage with a fear of not being fully accepted. This is especially true for in-laws who may feel like outsiders in the new family unit. Instead of trying to change one another, accept what you can, and pray for the rest. Affirm their strengths, be gracious in disagreements, and seek to build trust over time.

One practical way to apply this principle is through clear communication. Husbands should handle tough conversations with their own parents, and wives should handle tough conversations with theirs. This takes a measure of courage, especially for daughters needing to set a boundary with her parents. But doing so avoids triangulation and prevents unnecessary conflict.

Ephesians 5:31 states, “A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This means that when a son or daughter marries, a new family unit is formed. The husband, under God, is responsible for leading his home, and the in-laws must not attempt to undermine that leadership.

One way to verbally acknowledge an son or daughter-in-law’s authority in their own family, is to encourage them in ways they are are obeying biblical principles in their marriage- ESPECIALLY when the way they choose to do so is different than the way the parents would do it. Speak affirmingly whenever possible, with statements like:

“I prayed for a son-in-law who would lead my daughter spiritually, and I am so thankful God answered my prayer with you.”

“The way you speak to your children is so gentle and kind. You are a great mom.”

The story of Jacob and Laban (Genesis 31) illustrates the danger of an antagonistic father-in-law. Laban, through manipulation and control, turned Jacob into an adversary rather than an ally. The conflict grew so intense that they ultimately had to set up a boundary, a pillar of stones, to signify their agreement to give space and trust God with the outcome.

Parents must not interfere in a way that usurps the authority of their married children’s household. If advice is given, it should be given with no strings attached, and if it is not received, it should not be used as a tool for manipulation.

Likewise, sons- and daughters-in-law should honor their parents. Even when there are disagreements, respect must always be maintained. The principle of 1 Peter 3 is useful here: winning them over with a godly example is far more effective than trying to correct parents or in-laws with words.

The early years of marriage are a transition for everyone involved. Mistakes will be made, boundaries will be tested, and grace must abound. Parents do well to have thick skin and soft hearts. Children must honor their parents while forging their own path.

Above all, let Christ be the foundation of your home. When both couples and in-laws submit to His authority, their relationships will be marked by peace, wisdom, and mutual respect.