Why Feelings Won’t Sustain Your Marriage

In our culture, love is often mistaken for a fleeting emotional high—a temporary rush of excitement that comes and goes like the wind. But Scripture paints a different picture. True, biblical love is not built on feelings alone but on commitment, sacrifice, and a Christ-centered foundation.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov once coined the term “Limerence” to describe the chemical rush that occurs when two people experience mutual attraction. This phenomenon—driven by physical, intellectual, emotional, and even spiritual connections—can be powerful, but it is also temporary. That’s why so many marriages falter when the “high” wears off.

Consider PIES:

Physical attraction is often an early connecting point for couples, specifically, what first attracts men to women. Yes, men often notice outward beauty first. But Proverbs 31 reminds us that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Some couples connect most on an intellectual level, and find each other’s passions or interests very attractive. Many relationships begin with deep conversation, yet if a marriage is built on intellect alone, it will falter when interests diverge.

An emotional connection can be very powerful. Shared experiences where the other person displays bravery, kindness, or mercy can be what attracts two people to each other. Fathers, this is one reason why it is so important to connect with your daughters emotionally. They need this from you, and when it is lacking, they can be tempted to seek that connection outside of family, before they are ready. 

Some couples connect through a spiritual bond. Maybe they meet at church camp, on a mission trip, or watch each other grow and serve Christ regularly at church. These experiences allow them to see in the other person shared convictions and passion for God.  Even within the church, emotional and spiritual connections can be misinterpreted, leading to disaster when not guarded with biblical wisdom.

The reality is, feelings fade. That euphoric season of romance, fueled by dopamine and serotonin, will not last forever. For some, it’s six months; for others, maybe three years. But what happens when the emotions wane?

The world says, “Find someone new.” But God’s Word calls us to something greater. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love endures. Marriage is not about chasing emotional highs—it’s about Christlike devotion, reflecting the Gospel itself.

If you’ve been led to believe that lasting love is built on fleeting emotions, let me challenge you to think biblically. We’ll be diving deeper into this topic in our upcoming study on God’s Design for Marriage and Relationships—a truth-filled series that will strengthen your faith and your family.

Don’t miss out. Stay rooted in biblical wisdom, and let’s stand firm together.

My name is Zach Terry. The thoughts and opinions expressed in this blog are my own, with occasional interjections from my bride of nearly 25 years, Julie. This format of publication is meant to allow for engagement and interaction. Feel free to comment. But please, be nice.